AFTER LIFE INTERVIEWS

Mr. H

“Excuse me.  Is this where I have my interview?”

“Yes Sir, come in Mr. 10H451976, have a seat.  You want to register a complaint?  Will that be the list type, the music type, or the print type?  Please excuse the pun.”  (Laughs)

“The list types.”

“How unoriginal.  Very well, fire away.”  (Laughs)

“I would like to complain about the bacteria out here.  Everything seems to be rotting away.  There is not a clean place for me to sit anywhere.  This place makes my white leather chair look like heaven.  I would like a place like they have in there.”

“My dear Mr. H you are out here and entitled to the worst we have to offer.”

“Why the worst?”

“Because in life you had it all, shared little or nothing with the poor, and in the end, you let your money drive you quite mad.”

“What should I have done?  No one told me.”

“Come now, Mr. H, you were told!  Shall I read the list of 127 kind souls, who told you about the ‘Great I Am’ within you?  You paid them no attention.”

“I guess I can’t buy or talk my way out of this one?”

“Isn’t it hell?”  (Laughs)

 

Buddy

“Buddy, you seem to have it good here.  But I’m curious, why the camp fire?”

“To keep warm.”

“Of course, but if you wanted heat you could go out there.”

“I thought that is where I was going.  I walked the streets cursing and swearing uncontrollably.  You wouldn’t believe the foul things I said.  All I did is collect sticks, anything that would burn, to keep me warm.  I thought that God forgot me.  Then one night the temperature dropped to minus twelve.  I didn’t have enough sticks and I froze to death.”

“That must have been terrible!”

“Not really.”

“What was it like?”

“I ate half a sandwich I found, the first food I had for days.  When the fire went out, I shivered for a while, but that stopped when I saw my inner Light.  My feet and hands stopped hurting, and I closed my eyes and went to sleep.  When I woke up, I was being rocked in the bosom of Abraham.”

“Now the Spirit lets you have the fire to keep warm.”

“I don’t even have to look for the sticks.”

“What about the swearing?”

”Oh, that was a disease,” looks around, “But I still swear occasionally.”

 

George

“Ma’am, can you help me?  Which door do I take, OUT or IN?”

“Hi George, I don’t work here.  I’m doing interviews.”

“About what?”

“About your life.  Shall we?”

“Sure.”

“Did you have a comfortable life?”

“Yes, I was successful.”

“Did you have many toys?”

“I prefer to call them gear.  To do anything you have to have the right gear.”

“Did you have a connection with the ‘Great I Am’ within you, and did you listen to Him?”

“Well, I went to church a few times a year.”

“OK.  Let me find the church questions.  Here we are.  Did you participate?”

“I went to a few church suppers.”

“Any service projects, study groups, committees?”

“I didn’t know those were required.”

“Did you fulfil your life’s purpose which the ‘Great I Am’ had for you?”

“I asked God for a lot of things, but nothing came of it.”

“Did you give anything to the poor?”

“I support the organizations that do that, with my taxes.”

“Did you vote for a tax cut?

“Of course, I did.”

“Did you financially support your faith institution?”

“Sure, but what I give is between me and God!  Look, I just want to know, which door do I take, OUT or IN?”

“George, that is between you and the ‘Great I Am’!”